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Thread: Joke Of The Day!

  1. #1
    What's Jailbreak? thetoothfairy's Avatar
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    Default Joke Of The Day!
    I thought I would start this thread so we could have some fun! You can submit pictures jokes etc.... no jokes with swear words or nudity....... fun loving ones to make us all laugh, crackup, giggle, smile or run to tell our friends!

    To start this thread off here is my joke of the day! I want to add you can post video's as well that you find funny!

    Celebrity dies of swine flu...take a look below....



    And we all know who gave it to him!
    Last edited by thetoothfairy; 2009-05-22 at 03:22 AM. Reason: Edit: Can post video's that are funny also!

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    Forum Manager Bo Troxell's Avatar
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    Note to self.......... "Don't tick off construction workers"


    The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.

    The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and 1959.

    Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1979.

    Generation Y are people born between 1980 and 1995.

    Why do we call the last one generation Y?
    I did not know, but I think I figured it out...............!

    Last edited by Bo Troxell; 2009-05-22 at 02:11 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  3. #3
    Retired Moderator Zwayne's Avatar
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    LMFAO....Generation X is the best!!!

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    What's Jailbreak? thetoothfairy's Avatar
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    Here's another funny one!


  5. #5
    Forum Manager Bo Troxell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zwayne View Post
    LMFAO....Generation X is the best!!!
    Diddo kiddo, Gen X rox ur sox

    1975 people are the coolest by far............just sayin'



    One of Microsoft’s top programmers was drafted and sent to boot camp for training. At marksmanship and weapons training, he was given the standard issue M-16 and a couple of clips of ammo.
    He took his position on the range and awaited instructions from the range instructor.
    Upon getting the order to fire, he did so.
    The range master receives a report that not one of the rounds he fired hit the target and was asked to explain. The guy says, “Give me a minute.”
    He takes his rifle, sticks his finger into the barrel and fires the weapon giving out a horrendous shout in pain.
    He returns to the stunned range master and says, “ Sir, the bullets seem to be coming out of this end, so the problems might be at the other end.” and faints.

    A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,

    yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with

    me all through the bad times.

    When I got fired, you were there to support me.

    When my business failed, you were there.

    When I got shot by that robber, you were by my side.

    When we lost the house, you stayed right there.

    When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'

    What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    I think you're bad luck... get the hell away from me.'
    Last edited by Bo Troxell; 2009-05-22 at 11:11 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    Livin the iPhone Life Napoleon_PhoneApart's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?






    He worked it out with a pencil.

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    Forum Manager Bo Troxell's Avatar
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    Funny, thought I was the only one who enjoys a good joke to brighten my day.

    What do you get when you eat a Blackberry?



    Bluetooth

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  9. #9
    Forum Manager Bo Troxell's Avatar
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    A guy was stranded on an island for quite sometime notices that a bottle was bobbing in the waters near shore. He scampers to the water’s edge to get it before a wave brings it further out to sea. Hands shaking he opens the bottle and takes out a note that looked like a computer printout.
    The note said, “Due to lack of maintenance and use, we regret we have to terminate your e-mail account.”

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    Retired Moderator z3r01's Avatar
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    <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZS4mcAALUBY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZS4mcAALUBY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

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    Livin the iPhone Life nickh's Avatar
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    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

    Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

    Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

    While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

    Harry was brought in and the! conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

    Harry: '9.'


    Principal: ' What is 6 x 6?'

    Harry: '36.'

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

    The principal and Harry both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

    Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

    Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps in to?'

    Harry: 'Pants.'

    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

    Harry: 'Coconut.'

    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

    Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

    Harry: 'Shake hands.'

    The principal was trembling.

    Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and e xcitement?'

    Harry: 'Firetruck.'

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
    iPhone 4 | iMac 24" | MacBook Pro 15" | ATV | iPod Classic | Time Capsule | iPad 16 Gb |

  12. #12
    What's Jailbreak? thetoothfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickh View Post
    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

    Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

    Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

    While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

    Harry was brought in and the! conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

    Harry: '9.'


    Principal: ' What is 6 x 6?'

    Harry: '36.'

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

    The principal and Harry both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

    Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

    Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps in to?'

    Harry: 'Pants.'

    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

    Harry: 'Coconut.'

    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

    Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

    Harry: 'Shake hands.'

    The principal was trembling.

    Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and e xcitement?'

    Harry: 'Firetruck.'

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
    I bet who ever reads this was thinking like the principal! (You nasty little things) Good One!

  13. #13
    Livin the iPhone Life nickh's Avatar
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    These are our rules!
    Please note.. These are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    Or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Apple Mac default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
    Last edited by nickh; 2009-05-24 at 12:52 AM.
    iPhone 4 | iMac 24" | MacBook Pro 15" | ATV | iPod Classic | Time Capsule | iPad 16 Gb |

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    Forum Manager Bo Troxell's Avatar
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    Irish Reunion

    Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a
    while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help
    but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

    The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

    The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland
    might you be?"

    The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

    The first guy responds, "So am I! Sure and begorra. And what
    street did you live on in Dublin?"

    The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on
    McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

    The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I!
    So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

    The other guy answers, "Well, now, I went to St. Mary's, of
    course."

    The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I.
    Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

    The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in
    1964."

    The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down
    upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in
    the same bar tonight. Can you believe it? I graduated from
    St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!"

    About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and
    orders a beer.

    Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shakes his head,
    and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

    Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

    "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

  15. #15
    What's Jailbreak? thetoothfairy's Avatar
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    This dog cracks me right up!

    <iframe src="http://www.snotr.com/embed/2654" width="400" height="330" frameborder="0"></iframe>

  16. #16
    Livin the iPhone Life nickh's Avatar
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    ^^^ Thats a cracker.. Love it.
    iPhone 4 | iMac 24" | MacBook Pro 15" | ATV | iPod Classic | Time Capsule | iPad 16 Gb |

  17. #17
    Forum Manager Bo Troxell's Avatar
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    A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
    His mother replied, "Son, don't even go there! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!




    When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky:

    Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there.
    It probably isn't going to be a good day.
    Last edited by Bo Troxell; 2009-06-02 at 09:55 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  18. #18
    What's Jailbreak? thetoothfairy's Avatar
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    1. Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

    2. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he's 97 years old.... and we haven't a clue where the hell he is.

    3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

    4. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

    5. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

    6. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound.
    ...apparently you have to actually go there.

    7. Every time I hear the dirty word exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

    8. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

    9. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

    10. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

    11. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill was enough.

    12. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our skulls. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

    AND

    13. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
    and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

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