Want an app developed//controller

[br0k3n]

Alright, so I have no clue if this is where I post this, if it's appropriate to post this, but...

I have absolutely no knowledge of coding of using the SDK, but I really want an app. Kind of a remote for use with emulators on my computer...and yeh, I know there's emulators on cydia and stuff, and I could just use a 360 controller, but still, I prefer to use a way bigger screen. Where can I learn the language used to make apps/hire someone to make it/ask very nicely and hope they don't laugh and tell me to gtfo? What would be the difficulty/challenges involved in making it?

Oops. Shoulda gone in app requests, huh. Moved maybe? >,<