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Thread: In 5 days I will release nothing and just waste people's time

  1. #81
    Superbad Modder-ator Simon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeamEdward View Post
    Ok, I'm back folks, and I will discuss certain features of my new Theme/OS, ORGASM.

    We all know that security is a priority these days. So I have designed a 3-fold security measure to unlock the phone. No more password lock, this is State of Art.

    The first level of security for iPhones/iPads running ORGASM will be a fingerprint scanner. Once the phone or tablet recognizes your fingerprint you will be prompted to perform a retinal scan. And once the retinal scan is completed you will be prompted to complete the DNA scan. Now, the DNA is somewhat unconventional, but times are a changing and we need to go to greater lengths to ensure the safety of our information.

    The DNA scan requires certain 3rd party hardware as well as a Lighting adapter. The 3rd party hardware is affixed to the iPhone or iPad using the Lighting adapter. Once the DNA is secreted, the phone will unlock. As I said, the Fleshlight and the adapter are sold separately. Now I understand that many of you, initially, will be uncomfortable using the penile DNA reader, but I assure you, after several uses it will become standard operating procedure. I will be designing a female version of my DNA reader in coming weeks...

    Stay tuned for more details.

  2. #82
    My iPhone is a Part of Me doomsday116's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeamEdward View Post
    Ok, I'm back folks, and I will discuss certain features of my new Theme/OS, ORGASM.

    We all know that security is a priority these days. So I have designed a 3-fold security measure to unlock the phone. No more password lock, this is State of Art.

    The first level of security for iPhones/iPads running ORGASM will be a fingerprint scanner. Once the phone or tablet recognizes your fingerprint you will be prompted to perform a retinal scan. And once the retinal scan is completed you will be prompted to complete the DNA scan. Now, the DNA is somewhat unconventional, but times are a changing and we need to go to greater lengths to ensure the safety of our information.

    The DNA scan requires certain 3rd party hardware as well as a Lighting adapter. The 3rd party hardware is affixed to the iPhone or iPad using the Lighting adapter. Once the DNA is secreted, the phone will unlock. As I said, the Fleshlight and the adapter are sold separately. Now I understand that many of you, initially, will be uncomfortable using the penile DNA reader, but I assure you, after several uses it will become standard operating procedure. I will be designing a female version of my DNA reader in coming weeks...

    Stay tuned for more details.
    A penile DNA reader??...wow really??...lmfao...

    Quote Originally Posted by doomsday116 View Post
    A penile DNA reader??...wow really??...lmfao...
    Don't stop there, u should create a DNA debit card reader that inserts in your a_s_s to accept payments...lol
    Last edited by doomsday116; 03-26-2013 at 07:45 PM.

  3. #83
    Sug Luv Super Moderator 2k1's Avatar
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    About to pull the popcorn back out

  4. #84
    Later this evening I will be posting a link to a video which will provide directions on how to properly use the DNA reader. This video is NSFW so please view with caution.

    Stay tuned, folks.

  5. #85
    Super Duper Moderator blkcadi's Avatar
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    Dude...really, 'cause I don't have a penis I'll have to wait to use this theme? Hello, ACLU!!

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  7. #86
    Quote Originally Posted by blkcadi View Post
    Dude...really, 'cause I don't have a penis I'll have to wait to use this theme? Hello, ACLU!!
    Rotflmao!!!

  8. #87
    Superbad Modder-ator Simon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blkcadi View Post
    Dude...really, 'cause I don't have a penis I'll have to wait to use this theme? Hello, ACLU!!
    It's down right discriminatory!!

  9. #88
    Quote Originally Posted by blkcadi View Post
    Dude...really, 'cause I don't have a penis I'll have to wait to use this theme? Hello, ACLU!!
    I do apologize for this. With the penile DNA reader I was able to seamlessly integrate 3rd party hardware. With the female version I will need to design a custom piece. Don't worry though, I have a volunteer crew from the Alpha Chi Omega sorority working 12 hours a day on the new design. It should be ready for the market by the first week of May. Sorry for the delay.

  10. #89
    Sug Luv Super Moderator 2k1's Avatar
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    Need any beta testers??

  11. #90
    Quote Originally Posted by 2k1 View Post
    Need any beta testers??
    I haven't been actively seeking beta testers online as I require a waiver to be signed. All beta testing must be documented on video. So it's easier for me to gather my beta testers from my workplace, surrounding colleges and circle of friends. I've also done a great deal of testing myself. I am able to unlock my iPhone 5 running ORGASM in 17.5 seconds. The best a beta tester has done is 58 seconds.

  12. #91
    Super Duper Moderator blkcadi's Avatar
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    May be a bit too kinky for me...penis', vagina's....................eewwwwwwww



    lol

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  14. #92
    Sug Luv Super Moderator 2k1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeamEdward View Post
    I haven't been actively seeking beta testers online as I require a waiver to be signed. All beta testing must be documented on video. So it's easier for me to gather my beta testers from my workplace, surrounding colleges and circle of friends. I've also done a great deal of testing myself. I am able to unlock my iPhone 5 running ORGASM in 17.5 seconds. The best a beta tester has done is 58 seconds.
    I will send a video to you then see what ya think.

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  16. #93
    Super Duper Moderator blkcadi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeamEdward View Post
    I am able to unlock my iPhone 5 running ORGASM in 17.5 seconds. The best a beta tester has done is 58 seconds.
    Soooooooo, what your sayin' is "size matters...or your just quick"?

    What a fun thread.

  17. #94
    Quote Originally Posted by blkcadi View Post
    Soooooooo, what your sayin' is "size matters...or your just quick"?

    What a fun thread.
    The key with the penile DNA reader is to think about it as a simply an unlocking function rather than a sex act. I've performed 1000s of unlocks during my own beta testing. I hardly even think about it anymore. Using my penile reader is as standard to me now as your password unlock. Whether I'm on the bus, at a restaurant, at work, picking my kids up from school, or simply walking down the street, I can unlock my phone nearly effortlessly. And I have the added comfort of knowing that if I lose my phone NO ONE will be able to unlock it and access my information.

  18. #95
    I was once tricked into believing that there was going to be a release of a jailbreak by DreamJB. Apparently it was a "social experiment". It took a while for me to recuperate from that. Now, I won't fall for it! I WILLLLLLLLLLLLL NOT!

  19. #96
    Happy APRIL FOOLS guys hehe

  20. #97

  21. #98
    Vansmak written all over it.

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  23. #99
    OK, I am going to unlock

    yes .... yes ...... yes ... yes .... yes ....

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamEdward View Post
    The best a beta tester has done is 58 seconds.
    Sheit, missed that call as well!

    Last edited by rasputin007; 03-27-2013 at 04:50 AM.
    Nothing is impossible only miracles take a bit longer!

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  25. #100
    Sug Luv Super Moderator 2k1's Avatar
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    Lol good times

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