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1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
9. When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: "Don't let him in! He's the killer!"
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
12. Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Insist that life is "one big musical," then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Answer every question with a question
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Repeat something constantly.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Repeat something constantly
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
43. Repeat something constantly
44. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Change what you repeat every now and then.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Change what you repeat every now and then.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. Change what you repeat every now and then.
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Change what you repeat again.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Use non-existent words like George Bush would.
63.stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtom akeoutwhatyou'resaying.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Change what you repeat again
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Speak in rapid Spanish.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.
78. Change what you repeat again.
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. ecome severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Blink rapidly and constantly.
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.
99. Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
100. Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
101. Remeber repeat something constantly
102. Make appointments for the 31st of February
103. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
104. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
105. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
106. Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say "HA HA, fooled you!"
107. Change what you repeat again.
108. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
109. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real
110. Show people your driver's license and demand to know 'whether they've seen this man.'
111. Scream as someone is about to sneeze.
112. Ask everybody in MMi if they know a good forum where you can learn to unlock an iPhone.
11.3 Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.
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07-17-2008, 04:22 AM
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