Joke of the day :D

[dale1v]

What do a turban and a baseball bat have in common?
They both look good wrapped around a Taliban's head.

harsh, yes.

[DoerrFan]

what Do A Turban And A Baseball Bat Have In Common?
They Both Look Good Wrapped Around A Taliban's Head.

Harsh, Yes.

Lmao

[dykzebr]

I like the earth quake one..lol we need to label this thread offensive

[Napoleon_PhoneApart]

Ok, here´s one...

What have sex in a canoe and Australian beer in common?
It´s f*cking close to water!

Python?

[AotW]

Python?

Actually yes.

Heard it a long time ago in one episode of Flying Circus.

Some of the best comedians ever.

[jwaschbisch]

What do you tell someone with two black eyes?


Nothing, you already told them twice!

[Napoleon_PhoneApart]

Actually yes.

Heard it a long time ago in one episode of Flying Circus.

Some of the best comedians ever.

I remember hearing it on their "Live at the Hollywood Bowl" video.

[Eurisko]

Where do prostitutes go on their night off?

To the morgue to suck back a few cold ones.

[beachboarder41]

@Eurisko: lmao, that was the only one i actually laughed at

Why do black people always have sex on their mind?
Because they have pubes on their head..

(Im not racist, its a joke.)

[Jasonator]

HAHAHAHAHHA, I had a joke but It eludded me...

[GHOSTYAIRO]

Lmao

I.m sorry for this question..What Lmao does mean?
I'm learning english just about 6 months ago and there a lot of things I still don't get. Like that "ish" sometimes people put in a word or a number.

Well back in the theme here's a joke:

After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assasin position — two men and one woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said. "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, "Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife."
The agent replies "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[Kaas]

I.m sorry for this question..What Lmao does mean?
I'm learning english just about 6 months ago and there a lot of things I still don't get. Like that "ish" sometimes people put in a word or a number."

lmao=lauging my *** off
nice joke
in google type "define: lmao" "

[GHOSTYAIRO]

lmao=lauging my *** off

haha ok thanks. I just lmao after knowing the meaning

[Kaas]

lol

and congrats with winning

[nickh]

Thought i would bring this back to life.


A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.


'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

[Chase817]

Thought i would bring this back to life.


A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.


'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

lol, nice one

[Broomhead]

Why don't the Chicago Cubs have a website.... Because they can't figure out how to get 3 "W's" in a row.